09 July 2010

To Want Or Not To Want

It made me smile
А если серьезно.
Я помню свой интерес к восточной философии, к буддизму, дзену, Ошо. К мудрым притчам о тотальности, интенсивности, осознанности, созерцательности и единении с миром. Такие красивые и правильные слова. И ощущения.
Now seriously.
I recall my interest in Eastern philosophy, Buddhism, Zen, Osho. The wise parables about totality, intensity, awakening, contemplation and unity with the world. Such beautiful and right words and feelings.

Споткнулась я о главу желаний.
"Вы гнались за каждым своим желанием, и вы делали это снова и снова, и снова и снова разочаровывались. Каждое желание приносит страдание, и не бывает исполнения желаний. Вы ничего не достигаете, и удовлетворение невозможно. Когда вы прекращаете идти, путешествие исчезает, когда желание больше не застилает ваш ум, вы внутри. Это называется обращение вовнутрь."
I stumbled on the chapter about desires.
"You are chasing every desire, and you do it again and again and again and you get disappointed again. Each wish brings suffering, and there is no fulfillment of wishes. You never reach anything, and satisfaction is not possible. Only when you stop, the travel disappears. When the desire doesn't obscure your mind anymore, you are inside. This is called the conversion inside."

И тут я поняла, что выходит, что вся цель у нас тут - остановиться, наблюдать, перестать хотеть. И тут во мне все возмутилось. Как? Лечь на диван и ничего не хотеть? И никуда не двигаться? Совсем?? А как же все вокруг? Как же горы, как же летать, как же любить?
And then I realized that it turns out that the whole of our purpose here is to stop going anywhere, stop wanting and just watch. And then everything inside me rebelled. How?? To lie on the couch and never want anything? And do not move? Not at all?? And what about all the world around me? What about all the mountains, what about flying, what about love?

Я тогда со вздохом закрыла притчи Ошо и в первый раз в жизни поехала в Европу, летать в Альпах. На все лето. Это был 2008 год.
Я решила, что во всем нужен баланс. В том числе и в соотношении созерцать/хотеть.
Then I sighed and closed the Osho's parables. And for the first time in my life I went to Europe, to fly in the Alps. For the whole summer. It was in 2008.
I decided that everything needs balance. Including the relation between "to contemplate" and "to want".

А до высшей истины ничего-не-хотения я, наверное, дорасту в следующей жизни...
And what about the highest truth of the "wanting-nothing" - I will probably grow up enough to understand it in the next life...

А пока я так хочу к вам в Европу!!! Ко всем вам, счастливчикам, летающим сейчас в Испании:)!!!
And now I so much wish I were there with you in Europe now!!! You, all the lucky ones who fly now in Spain :)!!!


  1. AnonymousJuly 10, 2010

    А ты почему не в Испании?
    Притчи Ошо я не читала, но "нежелание" напомнило мне принцип "недеяния" из Дао-дэ-Цзин. Так вот, это совсем не значит, что ничего не надо делать. Наоборот! При помощи недеяния мудрец управляет миром...
    Вот такая аналогия :)
    Юля (Киев)
    П.С. А в Словению ты поедешь?

  2. Вот-вот, я и говорю, мне до этого еще расти и расти:)

    Почему я не в Испании? Ну как обычно - одна причина - деньги:( Очень мечтаю в августе все-таки вырваться в Европу. В Словению или во Францию. Посмотрим.

  3. AnonymousJuly 10, 2010

    Если будешь в Словении - там увидимся :)

  4. Классная статья, все классные. Желаю таки-вырваться в Европу в Августе =))
    P.S. 27 фотография в альбоме Women's World 2010 классная ^^

  5. Спасибо, Ельдар:)

  6. > Если будешь в Словении - там увидимся :)

    Угу. Обязательно спрошу про "недеяние"...:)

  7. Many have pondered those same questions, Zhenya. It seems to me that the path to enlightenment and happiness doesn't require us to abandon ALL DESIRE, but unhealthy desire that leads to dissatisfaction (suffering).

    For example, like you, I love to fly. But I also love my horse. I cannot afford to care for my horse AND fly. So, I have calmed my desire to fly and focused on being grateful for all I can enjoy with my horse. I look longingly at towering cumulus clouds and I love watching the raptors soar in the summer, but I feel no dissatisfaction at waiting to fly again until the time is right. I wouldn't have been able to feel this way before I learned about Zen.

  8. Thank you, JackieB, for your comment.

    This I understand...
    You know, despite I really would prefer to fly now, I still live happily and enjoy the current living. I have luck to like my job and my home and my friends here. It's not just words, it's true. And frankly, I would feel the same good sitting in the park next to my house and in the mountains somewhere in Alps now. Because I would be the same person with the same things inside. And maybe there is some kind of Zen in it. But I still WANT to go flying. I want it very much. It makes me move, think, grow, work, earn, find ways. You understand?

    I don't know who could separate which wishes are healthy and which are not. It was written there even that ALL desires lead to suffering and the only way to be happy is to not wish anything. As I said - I probably take words too literally and will understand it later.

    In your case, I think, you have two absolutely beautiful to me wishes: flying and horse, - but you can't have everything in the same time and it is hard to find compromise and to choose. And Zen philosophy helps you to feel good about your choice. And I think Zen is really good at it. But you still have your wishes! Right?

  9. Zhenya,
    I knew you loved horses from previous entries in your blog. I love my horse so much that I can't really put it into words. He's wonderful.

    I read a Zen statement once that helped put this topic of desire into perspective for me. It said that once we have rejected everything (for example, learned to rid ourselves of desire), then we can embrace it again and be healthy because we are able to SEE CLEARLY.

    I'm sure you can think of many times in your life where you desired/suffered/wanted/suffered without even realizing you were doing it. Especially as a child/young adult. We aren't even AWARE. So then we learn more/study Zen and realize that we can learn to control desire and that some desire leads to suffering. So now that we know that, we can desire again, but from the perspective of someone who understands/is aware.

    So in my life, I now try (not always successfully, of course) to focus on healthy, attainable desires such as wanting to create a wonderful relationship with my horse, but dismissing the desire to own a Ferrari automobile, which I could never afford and probably wouldn't be satisfying anyway.

    So, yes, I absolutely still have my wishes. A life without wishes and passion wouldn't be too meaningful, would it? But I now am much better at wishing for things that are healthy and attainable for me and the animals and people I love. And this awareness came about because I learned to recognize which desires cause me to suffer (be dissatisfied) and then started to develop the ability to control those desires.

    Thank you for your blog updates. I've been following your blog along with Jamie's, Corinna's, Dustin's, Timothy's, Kathryn's and others for a long time now. They allow me to fly through others!

  10. Thanks for your comment, JackieB.

    It was, actually, the proper words in the proper time. It brought up the other thoughts and helped
    to order and put some things on its own place.

    And yes, I adore horses:)

  11. Nice words Zhenya and JackieB. Do you notice that the biggest desires we have are mainly focused around connecting with someone (a loved one or friend) or something (nature, naimals)...very human to want to do this. When we were kids if was all "But MOM I want to go to that party!! or "Dad Mary asked me to come over and stay tonight, can I pleeeease"" :) And even now, like when we were kids, we want connections that make us happy, have more fun, and make us feel natural, and special even...I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to feel more like ourselves.

    As a good friend of mine said really well "The only thing we are here to do is to never stop working to get better at being true to ourselves, to be stronger, to have absolutely no regrets, to be honest in everything we say and do, and to shape ourselves until the “origamic” (new word) folding of us on our way from cradle to grave finishes with something we could never have expected when we were just a flat sheet of paper."